“In the end we will only conserve what we love, and we will only love what we understand.”
Lately, I’ve been contemplating about the wrong choices I’ve made in dating. This made me feel awful about myself because of the effects that it has on other people and on my self – the hearts that have been broken, the relationships that couldn’t be restored, the time that couldn’t be recovered, the image that has been tainted, the soul that has been damaged, and heart pieces that couldn’t be reclaimed.
I decided to share the principles that I think we could apply in our lives in the context of dating so as to avoid the drastic effects that flow from dating irresponsibly. More so, I want us to date radically to show Jesus to the world.
I really hope that you’d be blessed as you read this blog post and learn something from it. 🙂
Before I enumerate and expound the 5 principles in dating for Jesus. Let’s establish first what dating is for. What is dating for? Is it just a noncommittal testing of waters so as to know whether you are compatible with each other? Or is it of a higher purpose? That is, is it geared toward marriage?
All of us have bases upon which we make choices and establish the purpose of the activities that we do. I think the best basis is God’s word and the wisdom that is obtained from it through daily meditation, study, prayer, and reading.
Without further ado, here are the 5 principles I think we could use to date radically for Jesus.
 Chase clarity.
Dating should be geared toward marriage though it precedes marriage but it never stops in marriage – it just takes another form: a rather intimate form. Intimacy is safest in the bounds of marriage. I think it’s best to not chase intimacy in dating lest we give our hearts again to another person who’s not our future partner. Instead, we should discipline our minds that the goal of dating is to chase clarity. It is for us to know whether or not this is the person whom God has made for me.
On a nutshell, we should be relentlessly devoted in focusing our minds on getting to know the person rather than being romantically attached with them.
On a side note, if this blog post has spurred interest in you on how to set up healthy boundaries to gain clarity. I’d appreciate it if you’d comment on this blog post in order for me to have an idea whether or not I’d write a blog about it. 🙂
 Define relationships.
I think this principle is really essential because it affects the way we deal with people. If we are to think that the person is just an object for our pleasure then we’d just have self-serving mindset as we deal with others.
As a Christian, if the woman is in Christ, she’s either a sister (or a mother) or a wife. There’s really no middle ground. Same principle applies to women – he’s either a brother (or father) or a husband. 1 Tim. 5:1 to 2 is clear, “Do not rebuke an older man, but appeal to him as to a father. Treat younger men as brothers, the older women as mothers, and the younger women as sisters, in all purity.
We should discipline our minds in thinking that the member of the opposite sex is a brother or a sister whom we should serve. It’s nasty to passionately kiss your sisters or your brothers so we don’t do that to them. That’s just one of the ways on how we could apply this principle.
 Seek godly advisers.
I think this is important not just in dating but in all aspects in life. It’s really different when there’s people who’d tell us that this guy or this lady is not for us. We should value what other people – family, friends, and community of believers – has to say about the dating relationship. We should honor them by seeking their guidance and insight. Proverbs 15:22 says it well, “Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.”
Pray to God. Ask God for guidance and protection in your relationships. Talk to Him about your struggles with temptations and everything you have in mind. He delights when you talk to Him. Also, we should surrender all aspects of our lives to Him. The Christian life is about our daily surrender to God and the moment by moment walk with His Spirit.
 Seek to grow more in the knowledge of Jesus.
Our relationships are affected by the relationship that we have with Jesus. The relationship we have with God affects the relationship that we have with other people. It follows that when we’re in the right relationship with Jesus, we’d also treat people in the right way. Let us be consistent in our daily habits of grace – bible study, prayer, reading, meditation, and memorization for us to grow more in this intimate love relationship with God. Everything falls in its proper place in His appointed time. 🙂
Let us strive to show Jesus to the world by dating radically.
What are your thoughts as you’ve read this blog post? Would you agree with me? 🙂 or Do you have something to add to it? I really want to hear from you. 🙂
P.S. These principles are not exhaustive and it won’t guarantee a life free of heartbreaks.
Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?
These are the three questions that I ought to ask myself before saying stuff that I might regret later yet fail to ask myself most of the times. Though that is the case, I think it still seems fit to ask ourselves these questions to filter comments that have lasting and destructive consequences.
We’re all blind of our own fallacies. So, I think it’s best to listen twice as much as we speak. Seek to learn rather than to criticize. And if contention occurs, we can still choose to agree to disagree agreeably. Can we not?
And lastly, let’s attack the idea rather than the person holding the idea.
People change. Ideas don’t.
Question for Reflection: What are the principles that you hold onto to ensure that you build up people and not tear them down?
Feel free to comment on my blog post. 🙂
The effort of the prosecutor to accuse us for the purpose of declaring us guilty before the tribunal of God is useless because Jesus is the ultimate defense Attorney of those who trust in Him.
Their sins are covered by His blood and His perfect righteousness was transferred on their account through faith. It’s all by the grace of God – unmerited favor.
Thus, “Who shall bring any charge against God’s elect? It is God who justifies. Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died – more than that, who was raised – who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us. ” (Romans 8:33 – 34)
So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom. – Psalm 90:12
Numbering our days causes us to contemplate about matters that have lasting significance. It also helps us to direct our efforts in the pursuit of the more important stuff. Have we ever asked ourselves, “What will I do if I knew that I only have thirty more years to live?”How about if it’s only one month?
As the poem of C.T. Studd so aptly puts it:
“Only one life, ’twill soon be past,
Only what’s done for Christ will last.
And when I am dying, how happy I’ll be,
If the lamp of my life has been burned out for Thee.”
The beauty of watching the night sky is for us to be reminded that we’re just specks of dust as compared to the vastness that is above and beyond us. The universe is telling us of how infinitesimal we are as compared to it. It one-sidedly conveys to us that it’s not about us but rather about the infinite Genius who designed and brought it into existence. It tells us that we ought not to marvel at ourselves but rather to point people to the One who’s eternally marvelous.
What are the thoughts that enter your mind as you watch the night sky? Feel free to share with me any insight that you have. 🙂