I caught myself in the midst of these trees – trying to make sense of where I am in life. The silence is just so loud that it deafens my heart. It deafens my heart of the reality that there’s a lot of things that I could not recover, a lot of questions that I haven’t figured out, and a lot of problems that remain unsolved. Is there still a chance for me? Or am I forever lost in the midst of these trees? Wondering where life would take me and wandering as life takes me where it would take me. I really wish there’s someone who’d be there for me in this lostness – that we’d find joy in the midst of all of these because we have each other. But it’s really hard to accept that it’s still not time for you and me. Until that time comes, I don’t want to wander away and think of worthless thoughts that are not related to you – for you alone are worthy of my contemplations. But, I still don’t know you. Nevertheless, I don’t want to linger my thoughts to any other woman that could fall short of you. I wish you would come but I wish you wouldn’t for I think I’d just mess things up. I wish you’re here but I wish you aren’t for I don’t know what to say; your presence might overwhelm me. It might stun me. You would probably make me nervous. You would make my heart beat faster and my words stutter. But, I still want you to come even though I’d just do you a disservice. I know it’s selfish but I can’t help it for you might be the one who could fill this emptiness. This may seem foolish but I don’t want to miss your next whisper when silence takes over. The whisper that would stir my affection to live once more. Thd whisper that would grant me the strength to persevere because I have you.
I just want to entrust you to Him – whoever you are, knowing that I can’t outgive Him. He knows better than me. So, may this hope be grounded in Him. I hope that I could now get rid of myself of these nonsensical ramblings for this is what happens when silence takes over.